On the Road Again

Keith headed back on tour.  What normally happens when Keith heads on tour is that we're both free to fool around with other guys.  Since I'm undergoing penicillin treatments for my syphilis, I won't be doing that.  And since he's still waiting to find out for sure if he has it or not, he won't be doing that either.

I suppose we could just watch other guys jack off and jack off with them.  That would technically be okay.

But I want to try something.  My friend Susan and I got on the phone the night Keith went out for two and a half weeks on tour.  The funny thing is that Keith is gone just about the exact amount of time I'll be abstaining from both booze and boys.  Oh, Universe...you are pretty clear when you are trying to send a message through.  I hadn't told Susan about the syphilis.  So we chatted about it and she said something interesting.  When she was single she had a lot of sex.  And she spent a lot of time focused on sex.  Looking for it, thinking about it, having it.

"You won't have your time eaten up so much by looking for or having sex."

I hadn't thought about the amount of time it takes to schedule a hook up either on Grindr or Craig's List or by cruising the gym or the Korean spa.  It does take a lot of time and energy.  And it's distracting.  I won't have that for the next few weeks.

So here's the question being posed:

How much of a role does sex play in my life?

I am still incredibly turned on and attracted to my boyfriend.  We have a hot sex life.  We also have a good amount of variety outside of our time together.  But I have noticed lately that there has been a struggle around how focused we are on each other.  There has been some jealousy lately over Taylor and the fact that I spend time with Taylor while Keith's out of town.  Although, for the record, Keith has hooked up with Taylor alone more than I have.

Not that anyone's keeping score, of course.  But Keith has an issue with it.  He thinks I'm trying to carve out some private time with Taylor.  But I could have said the same thing when I didn't have Taylor's cell number and when I was out of town they'd hook up.

My friend Victor said that it was becoming competitive and that we should cool off the time with Taylor, at least separate from each other.  And this was before I found out I had syphilis.  Vic was right.

And so was Susan.  Sex was taking up way too much time when I need to be focused on more important things like my career and my relationship.  So I decided that this would be a good time to look at how important sex is to me.

This time that Keith's on the road is a time for self-reflection and cleansing of certain behaviors.  I am going to treat it like a spiritual retreat of sorts.  I want to start looking at what is absolutely not necessary.

And I'm sure I'll have a lot more to say as time goes on.  But so far I'm only on Day 3.